Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
