Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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