I am puke
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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