I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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