I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
