My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
