i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
