I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
