if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
