I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize