i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out