forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
