I think I am morally bankrupt
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
