Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
