Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
