if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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