is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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