I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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