his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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