i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize