You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
