Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
