I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
