I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
