I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
