I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
