in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
