I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
