i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
