she looked like the bat from fern gully.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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