a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
