I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
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I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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