Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
They are going to name an STD after you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
