ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
