What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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