Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
