Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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