dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
