thus making me awesome and them whores
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
