I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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