Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
