But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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