dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
