have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
