I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
