My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
