no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
