I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
