i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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