Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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