if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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