This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
