he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
