They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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