booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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