Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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