all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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