i think my tv is drunk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it's like heaven, but drunker
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
