we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
