Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
