Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
