chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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