There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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