can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
